It's the second day of Camp NanoWriMo and I'm already choking. Not in a literal sense, but in a writing sense. It's as if all of my excitement and inspiration has just dwindled now that the time has finally arrived to write. I remember sitting around, super eager to write this new story. Now that it's time to write it, I feel like Eminem did in the movie 8 Mile when it was his turn to freestyle.
When I participated in camp this past session in April, things went great! I completed a 70,000 word novel in about 27 days. I wonder what's going on with me this time? Maybe I'm a little bit more anxious about this book because it's way out of my comfort zone. I know, I know. You're probably thinking that I should write something a little bit less risky, and you're probably right. Maybe I should. But I really want to take this opportunity and platform to really challenge myself. Maybe I'm just overthinking this whole process as well as the book, which is making things more complicated than they should be.
At the end of the day, I just want to write something that will make the readers happy. I want to succeed in this project. To be honest, failure is my greatest fear. It's inevitable at times, I know, but it doesn't stop me from not fearing it. I tend to be such a perfectionist at times that it drives me mad. That's probably why I'm already having this writer's block so early in camp. I'm afraid that my project with flop.
It's not that I don't have confidence in my writing. I think I've improved over the year and I think I will continue doing so. I'm just nervous because I've never written erotica. One of my best friends has labeled me as a prude, so to be writing an erotica is completely insane in my case. I think I honestly just need to chill out and just write the damn book. When everything is said and done, I can at least say I tried.
I definitely won't give up. Not on this book, and definitely not on myself.